I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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