hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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