I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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