yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
