What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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