I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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