My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
