It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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