I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
