She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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