I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
