sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pooping to opera.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
