Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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