The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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