I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
