i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
