you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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