why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
