While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
