both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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