Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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