Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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