Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
