I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
