Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
