Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
