i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
