1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
