i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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