I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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