We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
