I will die if light touches me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
