The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
