Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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