i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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