As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
