She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
