susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
