i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
