I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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