I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
