I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
