Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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