This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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