Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
