I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
