I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
