Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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