There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
