Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
