I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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